Page 24:Jean:
What are going to do? Dear God, what are we going to do? Managing! Perhaps it would be better for all of us if we couldn't manage . then they'd have to do something. Maybe if I became an alcoholic...I could. My God I think I could sometimes. when I go next door to Suzanne's some nights and we sit and get tight together on the whisky and I talk about all sorts of things and laugh-just for little while I can forget. the thoughts stop going round and round in my head. the relief of just feeling like an ordinary person. The relief. Supposing when Miss Everitt social services came round today she'd found me dead drunk on the floor "Dear me, Mrs Taylor, you're not managing wonderfully well today." Imagine your own child driving you to drink. Your own child that you love. I don't even know if I do love her. I don't know what I feel. Pity-oh pity for her. why did it have to happen? Poor Verity. poor poor baby. But fear too. she seems to like to frighten me- enjoys it. she never does it to Edward. I really think sometimes she hates me. and he's good to her-so patient and kind. all those holidays he takes her on. he doesn't talk much about them afterwards but I know, I know she crucifies him. and I feel mean and cowardly because I don't go too. and guilty. Did I do it? Was it my fault? when I was pregnant with her- all those weeks when she was inside me I thought she was so safe. Nothing could hurt her and yet all the time...was it me? Did I contaminate her? Oh God... she was so beautiful when she was a baby. even now sometimes I wish she ugly. Deformed or crippled. something people could see. then they would pity her too. Instead of getting nervous and embarrassed and moving away from us as if we were lepers. Oh God, will nobody help us? cant anybody help us?
I love this monologue because I think its powerful and meaningful as it letting Jean really express herself about how she really feels about her child. this part of the play made me feel sorry for Jean as she doesn't know if she loves her child which must be the worst feeling a mother could. I loved reading the play as ever page I understood more and more about Verity life (Jeans daughter) and how no where will take her and how this effects her family and this makes me feel sorry for them epically Jean as Edward (Verity dad) is closer to Verity than Jean and I think Jean gets effected by this as generally the mother is closer to the daughter. this is why I would love to do this monologue for this as I think on of the most important things about acting is emotion and if you don't really emotionally attached to the character/ play then I don't believe you can properly be the character if you don't understand what they are going though.
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